labrujah

This lady calls up and goes "Um, I have two books I want to get published, and I don't know how to go about it. Put that back! Mommy's on the phone."
Me: "Well, first off, send us a proposal letter."
Crazy Lady: "Before I do all that work, let me ask you a couple things. Would you guys be interested in a romance? It's not really a romance, it's also religious, psychological, and political all worked in there."
Me (trained never to reject people over the phone): "The agents I work for represent all kinds of things. I'm sure they'd like to have a look at it. Just send in the first twenty or forty pages."
CL: "Okay, does it have to be typed? I don't have a computer or typewriter, and I could go into the library but I have four kids. Oh yeah, the second book is a kids' book. It only has 8 pages, including the covers. My five-year-old made it."
Me (still not wanting to just say no): "Sure, send it in. I mean, a copy of it. Don't send anything you can't replace."
CL: "Should I send any money in with it?"
Me (is she trying to bribe me?): "NO! I mean, no, you don't have to do that. Just the letter."
CL(whispering): "Okay. One last thing. The thing is, it's a dark romance. Very dark. Like, if it was about torture. Would they just automatically say no?"
Me: "No, not at all."
CL (relieved): "Okay, great!"