long announcement bklyn winter olympix
Feb. 6th, 2006 12:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
labrujahTHE RUMORS ARE TRUE
ONCE AGAIN
IT'S ON
---
ANNOUNCING
THE 2006 BROOKLYN WINTER FAKE OLYMPIX!
---
IT IS TIME, CHILDREN, IT IS TIME
IF YOU EVER NEEDED TO PLAY
TO VENT YOUR ABSTRACT FRUSTRATIONS THROUGH SPORT
KNOW THE THRILL OF DRUNKEN VICTORY
AND THE TRAGEDY OF UTTER LAZINESS
YES, DARLINGS
CLAN WARFARE RETURNS TO BROOKLYN
IT IS TIME, CHILDREN, IT IS TIME
---------------------------------------------------
OPENING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 10 2006
CLOSING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 26 2006
--------------------------------
BUT FIRST,
AN OFFICIAL
BROOKLYN FAKE OLYMPICS
WINTER STREET GAMES
FLASHBACK
OPENING CEREMONIES FEBRUARY 8, 2002 / williamsburg waterfront
"LAST NIGHT WAS BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU ALL. NEAR PERFECT SIZE, SOME 40 PEOPLE ARRIVED GRADUALLY (WE'D LIKE TO COMMEND THE SPIRIT OF THE MANY WELL-DRESSED WOMEN), BY EMAIL LISTS, RESPECT, CURIOSITY, AND PURE FRIENDSHIP. WE HAVE HAD A CHALLENGE THROWN DOWN: MADAGASCAR SET THE BAR VERY HIGH. SPONTANEOUSLY REWRITING THE CURRENT GAME IN PLAY ALWAYS GETS HIGH MARKS FROM THE JUDGES. THOSE OF YOU THAT CAME ON TIME WE APOLOGIZE IF YOU COULDN'T STAY. YOU MISSED A NICE THING.
THE FACT THAT THE OPENING CEREMONIES OF THIS YEARS GAMES HAD TO BE HELD IN SECRET IS HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT TO NOTE. UTAH HATES US FOR DOING THIS. BUT FUCK UTAH. WE WILL NOT BE HELD DOWN BY THESE INTERNATIONALISTS OR THEIR "SPONSORS". (ANY ASSOCIATIONS UTAH HAS ATTEMPTED TO MAKE WITH US ARE FLATLY REJECTED. AND WE HAVE NO DRUG POLICY.)
EVENT : OPENING CEREMONIES / FEBRUARY 8 / WATERFRONT, WILLIAMSBURG
WINNER, NO CONTEST / MADAGASCAR INSTITUTE, IN ENTIRITY
AN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS GANGLAND ENTRANCE WITH FLAMETHOWERS CARRIED ABOVE THEIR HEADS. FIRE GOOD. BOOM. HAHA. THEY EVEN FOUND A PROPANE TANK. THANKS TO CAUTION MIKE (I THINK), THE BEAUTIFUL AMERICAN FLAG FLEW FROM THE TOWER OF THE TALLEST STRUCTURE, BUILT IN A SUDDEN CONTEST RESULTING FROM AN AMOUNT OF CYNICAL SLANDER GOWANUS HAD MADE AGAINST THE BASIC CRAFTWORK SKILLS OF SOUTH BROOKLYN. THE WRECKAGE OF THIS EVENT IS WORTH GOING BACK TO LOOK AT. THERE IS NO URBAN LEAVE-NO-TRACE, APPARENTLY. THINK OF THEM AS GRAFFITI ARTISTS. THESE FOLKS PLAYED THE GAME SO WELL THEY OWNED IT. WE WERE JUST THERE. WE WERE SHANGHAI'D, AND THANK YOU
CLOSE SECOND / THE FIRST GUYS TO SHOW UP, HONESTLY, ON TIME, OFF AN EMAIL LIST REALLY FAR AWAY FROM OURS, WHO IMMEDIATELY STARTED RUMMAGING AROUND IN THE ROTTEN GRASS, QUICKLY BUILDING AN OLYMPIC TORCH, A WARM FIRE, A RAFT TO SEND OUT INTO THE WATER WITH A TORCH BUILT ON IT FROM A GIANT PLASTIC CHRISTMAS LAWN CANDLE... YOU GET THE IDEA. AMERICAN KNOW-HOW. THEY FOUND WOOD THAT ALREADY HAD NAILS IN IT AND BUILT THINGS. TOTAL FUCKING STRANGERS. SADLY, THE 30 FOOT BEACHWOOD SINGLE LOG TOWER, MEANT TO STAND STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR WEDGED BETWEEN TWO ROCKS AS A MONUMENT TO LAZINESS AND PHYSICS, WAS TOO MUCH TO HOPE FOR.
FOR THE MOST PART WILLIAMSBURG PUNKED OUT, THOUGH THEY DID ATTEMPT TO "APPROPRIATE" A TREE FOR THE TALLEST-STRUCTURE GRUDGEMATCH, WHICH WAS PRETTY WILLIAMSBURG OF THEM. GOWANUS' STRUCTURE WAS MORE SOUND THAN ANYONES, THOUGH STRANGELY ART DECO. THEY WERE NOT ALLOWED TO CHEAT, WHEREAS SOUTH BROOKLYN AND WILLIAMSBURG'S TWO TEAMS (ALWAYS FACTIONS, WITH THEM) ALL WERE, PROMPTLY STEALING ALL OF GOWANUS' WOOD. THE STOP SIGN AND FLAGPOLE COMPENSATED TO SOME EXTENT, BUT THERE WAS SOME BITTERNESS. SOUTH BROOKLYN WON, THEN SET THEIR SHIT ON FIRE. IT IS WORTH POINTING OUT THAT THERE WERE TEN PEOPLE BUILDING FOR S.BKLYN, MAYBE 3 ON THE OTHERS. MADAGASCAR MEANWHILE USED UP A BUNCH OF FOSSIL FUEL.
MIRACULOUSLY NOTHING ELSE BURNED DOWN AND NO ONE WAS BADLY HURT.
COPS NEVER CAME.
THE LAST PEOPLE THERE PUT THE FIRE OUT.
THE STANDARD HAS BEEN SET. DO NOT EXPECT ANYONE TO REPEAT. WE NEED THE REST OF YOU TO STEP UP.
YOU'VE DONE THIS FOR A LIVING, COME ON. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HAVE SOME FUN FOR AMERICA. GET YOUR CREW UP."
---------------------------------------------------
OPENING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 10 2006
CLOSING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 26 2006
--------------------------------
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME?
BULLSHIT!
AND IN BETWEEN?
WHO'S TO SAY?
A LOT CAN HAPPEN, BUT IT ONLY HAPPENS IF PEOPLE SHOW UP AND PLAY.
PERIOD. OTHERWISE IT MERELY DOESN'T.
--------------------------------
FEBRUARY 9, 2002 / EVENT: KNIFETHROWING EHHIBITION
KNIVES AND AXES AND HATCHETS ACTUALLY. BLACK LEATHER HOT PANTS, FISH NET STOCKINGS AND HEELS, A RED CORSET WITH BLACK LACES UP THE BACK. BOBBED RED HAIR. MISS AMERICA. THROWDINI WORE A HANDSOME BLACK TUXEDO. IT WAS HOT IN THAT ROOM. THE WOOD WAS OLD AND KNOTTY, SO THE KNIVES WOULDN'T TAKE AS WELL, AND SO EVERYTHING WAS ACTUALLY MORE DANGEROUS. KNIVES INTO WOOD MAKES A GOOD SHARP THUDDING SOUND THAT I REMEMBER FROM CHILDHOOD. IT HOLDS A TONE AFTERWARDS, LIKE A HUGE LOW TUNING FORK, OR A TIBETAN GONG. HE ASKED FOR A MALE WITH TESTOSTERONE POISONING TO VOLUNTEER, AND SOMEONE JUMPED UP. I THINK SHE WAS THANKFUL AFTERWARDS, BUT ALSO SHE WAS CRYING. THEY'D BLINDFOLDED HER, STOOD HER UP, AND JUST PLAIN THROWN KNIVES AT HER. ACTUALLY THEY'D PRETENDED TOO. THEY POPPED THE BALLOONS SHE WAS HOLDING AND PUT A KNIFE INTO THE WOOD AT THE SAME TIME. THEN HE REALLY THREW THE SECOND ONE AND THE ROOM LOST IT. HE VISIBLY FREAKED OUT HIS ASSISTANT. SHE JUST KEPT LAUGHING AND LAUGHING. GOD, SHE HAD A BALL. RED WHITE AND BLUE KNIFE-POPPED BALLOONS. THESE WOMEN WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO THEM, A MAN THROWING KNIVES AT THEIR HEADS. THE MAN WHO DOES THIS CLEARLY USED TO BE A SPY, OR SOME WORLD LEADER.
BAD FUTURE EVENT / BLINFOLDED AXE-THROWING AT FRIENDS
"GOD FORBID" / RESPONSIBLE PARTY = WAMP"
.
FEB 17 2002 / OLYMPIC BREAKING INTO ABANDONED BUILDING
WE ARE STILL SUCCESSFULLY A COP-FREE OLYMPICS. THIS WAS FUN. I FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT PIGEONS; WHILE THERE IS EVIDENCE OF HABITATION (SHIT, BATHROOM STALLS) OF SEVERAL DIFFERENT SPECIES, PIGEONS LIVE THERE NOW. IT'S A BIT SPOOKY; THERE IS STILL FURNITURE AND OLD VATS, AND PLACES ON TWO FLOORS WHERE THERE WERE FIRES. BIRDS ON TWO DIFFERENT FLOORS. THEY FLY INTO THE WINDOWS OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL THEY FIND A BROKEN ONE TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. NO ONES BEEN HERE FOR YEARS. OUR LOOKOUT SANG COUNTRY SONGS TO US OVER THE WALKIE TALKIES WHILE WE MADE IT TO THE ROOF. THE SAFE WAS OPEN AND EMPTY.
---------------------------------
CURRENT EVENTS (ALL EVENTS AND LOCATIONS TOTALLY FLAKY AND UNRELIABLE)
---------------------------------
BUT ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS:
---------------------------------
CONTESTANTS, DATES, LOCATIONS, VIDEOGRAPHERS ETC NEEDED:
WE DO NOT DO IT FOR YOU!
FIRE GOLF
PYROTECHNICS (FOR ALTITUDE)
DRUG ADDLED CHESS
WINTER LEISURE TENNIS
NERF WAR
RUNNING-AWAY-FROM-THE-COPS URBAN TRIATHALON: FENCEJUMPING, TREECLIMBING, HIDING IN DUMPSTERS
PISSING CONTEST (FOR DURATION)
OLYMPIC BOY BAND
OLYMPIC DIVINE INTERVENTION
OLYMPIC SNOW WARFARE (WEATHER PERMITTING)
OLYMPIC SANTERIA--INTERPRETATIONAL WITCHCRAFT--FLOOR ROUTINE
OLYMPIC EROTIC DANCING
OLYMPIC DUMPSTER DIVING (BEST FOUND OBJECT)
AND SO MUCH MORE...
MEANWHILE PLEASE LET US KNOW OF EVERY AMATEUR LEISURE OR SPORTING EVENT IN THE OLYMPIC TIMEFRAME,
FOR THAT IS ALL IT TAKES. IF IT IS WITHIN THE OLYMPIC TIMEFRAME, IT IS CLEARLY OLYMPIC.
ADDITIONALLY, IF YOU WISH TO PARTICIPATE, OR BETTER, ADMINISTRATE AN EVENT, PLEASE LET THIS BODY KNOW. EVENTS DO NOT HAPPEN UNLESS PEOPLE DO THEM. WE KNOW THIS FOR A FACT.
-----------------------------------------------
DON'T GET HURT, GET EVEN
-----------------------------------------------
WISH LIST
ROBOTS
FIRE
CATAPULTS
SPEARFISHING
ETC.
TO PARTICIPATE IN AN EVENT, OR ORGANIZE ONE, OR PROVIDE A VENUE, VIDEO FOR OUR INEVITABLE WEBSITE/SPORTS NETWORK ETC, ETC, CONTACT:
brooklyn.fake.winter.olympix@gmail.com
CONCOCTED BY THE McCARREN POOL TASK FORCE
-------------------------------------------------------------
2002 CLOSING CEREMONY FLASHBACK
"ANALYSIS: OR, HOW TO HOLD YOUR OWN OLYMPIC EVENT
POTHEADS ARE LAZY. IN MORE THAN ONE CASE THE PEOPLE WHO SUGGESTED EVENTS SLEPT THROUGH THEM. WE ASSURE YOU, THE GOOD IDEAS WILL BE ADAPTED TO FUTURE CIRCUMSTANCES AND RESURRECTED AS APPROPRIATE. NO SPECIFIC JOKE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CONSEQUENCES OF MAKING IT. BUT THIS LAZINESS MUST BE FACTORED IN.
FEB 24 2002 / OLYMPIC DUMPSTER DIVE SCAVENGER HUNT / BEST FOUND OBJECT
IN A FIELD OF THREE, SENTIMENTALITY WINS. ENTIRIES INCLUDED A CAMEL-COLORED TARTAN BURBERRY CASHMERE SCARF, AN OLD WHITE ENAMEL TELEPHONE (DIAL-UP), AND THE WINNER, THE LID OF A CHOCOLATE BOX, VELVET RED AND THE SHAPE OF A HEART, WITH "TO MY VALENTINE" EMBOSSED ON IT IN SHINY RED SCRIPT. RED ON RED ON RED. A LARGE PLASTIC ROSE WAS PERFECTLY ATTACHED. IT SEEMED TO BE FROM THE FIFTIES, OR POLAND. PERMANENTLY DIRTY, BUT OTHERWISE IN FACTORY CONDITION. (IT WAS NOT KNOWN IF THE PHONE WORKED.)
WINNER / HORSIE
1ST PLACE TROPHY / CUT PUSSYWILLOWS FOUND BY A CHURCH
-----
TO ALL OF YOU WHO ASSISTED US IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS IN THIS AMBITIOUS, IMPORTANTLY LUDICROUS STUDY, WE THANK OF YOU. SCIENCE THANKS YOU. AND BROOKLYN THANKS YOU.
IT IS IN THE NAME OF BROOKLYN-AMERICAN AMATEUR SCIENCE THAT WE WILL NOW PROCESS WHAT WE HAVE SEEN AND HEARD, AND SOMEDAY PUBLISH OUR FINDINGS. THERE WERE MANY INTERESTING UNEXPECTED ACHIEVEMENTS WITNESSED IN THESE WEEKS, OFTEN FROM QUIET CORNERS. SOMETIMES EXPERIENCE WOULD HOBBLE ENTHUSIASM. SOMETIMES UNPREPARED PEOPLE WOULD WIN. WHAT THIS SUGGESTS ABOUT OUR CAPACITY, OUR AMBITIONS, OR OUR COMPETITIVENESS WE CHOOSE NOT TO DETERMINE.
IT IS TOO EARLY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT EFFECT, IF ANY, HOLDING THESE GAMES HAS HAD UPON BROOKLYN. BUT IF BROOKLYN SECEDES, AS PLANNED, FROM THE CITY OF NEW YORK IN 2006, SPORTING EVENTS AND OTHER LOCAL CULTURAL RITUALS MAY END UP ON TELEVISION.
GET FAMOUS BY THEN.
WE NEED TO GET A GRANT."
---------------------------------------------------
OPENING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 10 2006
CLOSING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 26 2006
--------------------------------
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME?!
THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH TIME!
GO! GO! GO!
-------------------
THE BROOKLYN WINTER FAKE OLYMPIX REJECTS ANY PURPORTED AFFILIATION
BETWEEN ITSELF AND THE 2006 "OLYMPICS" IN TURIN, ITALY,
THE CORRUPT INTERNATIONAL OLYMPIC COMMITTEE, OR ITS DIRTY HENS
-------------------
please forward this communication as appropriate
http://brooklyndodgers.blogspot.com/
2002 - "THERE WAS A SPONTANEOUS ATTEMPT TO SMASH A TELEVISION WITH A BEER BOTTLE, BUT AS EVERYBODY KNOWS, ALCOHOL IS WEAKER THAN TELEVISION, AND THE BOTTLE PREDICTABLY BROKE. THE ATHLETE SAID AFTERWARDS, IN AN INTERVIEW, THAT HE FELT HE'D HIT THE WRONG PART OF THE SCREEN. THE CENTER ACTUALLY IS THE STRONGEST POINT."
ONCE AGAIN
IT'S ON
---
ANNOUNCING
THE 2006 BROOKLYN WINTER FAKE OLYMPIX!
---
IT IS TIME, CHILDREN, IT IS TIME
IF YOU EVER NEEDED TO PLAY
TO VENT YOUR ABSTRACT FRUSTRATIONS THROUGH SPORT
KNOW THE THRILL OF DRUNKEN VICTORY
AND THE TRAGEDY OF UTTER LAZINESS
YES, DARLINGS
CLAN WARFARE RETURNS TO BROOKLYN
IT IS TIME, CHILDREN, IT IS TIME
---------------------------------------------------
OPENING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 10 2006
CLOSING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 26 2006
--------------------------------
BUT FIRST,
AN OFFICIAL
BROOKLYN FAKE OLYMPICS
WINTER STREET GAMES
FLASHBACK
OPENING CEREMONIES FEBRUARY 8, 2002 / williamsburg waterfront
"LAST NIGHT WAS BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU ALL. NEAR PERFECT SIZE, SOME 40 PEOPLE ARRIVED GRADUALLY (WE'D LIKE TO COMMEND THE SPIRIT OF THE MANY WELL-DRESSED WOMEN), BY EMAIL LISTS, RESPECT, CURIOSITY, AND PURE FRIENDSHIP. WE HAVE HAD A CHALLENGE THROWN DOWN: MADAGASCAR SET THE BAR VERY HIGH. SPONTANEOUSLY REWRITING THE CURRENT GAME IN PLAY ALWAYS GETS HIGH MARKS FROM THE JUDGES. THOSE OF YOU THAT CAME ON TIME WE APOLOGIZE IF YOU COULDN'T STAY. YOU MISSED A NICE THING.
THE FACT THAT THE OPENING CEREMONIES OF THIS YEARS GAMES HAD TO BE HELD IN SECRET IS HISTORICALLY IMPORTANT TO NOTE. UTAH HATES US FOR DOING THIS. BUT FUCK UTAH. WE WILL NOT BE HELD DOWN BY THESE INTERNATIONALISTS OR THEIR "SPONSORS". (ANY ASSOCIATIONS UTAH HAS ATTEMPTED TO MAKE WITH US ARE FLATLY REJECTED. AND WE HAVE NO DRUG POLICY.)
EVENT : OPENING CEREMONIES / FEBRUARY 8 / WATERFRONT, WILLIAMSBURG
WINNER, NO CONTEST / MADAGASCAR INSTITUTE, IN ENTIRITY
AN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS GANGLAND ENTRANCE WITH FLAMETHOWERS CARRIED ABOVE THEIR HEADS. FIRE GOOD. BOOM. HAHA. THEY EVEN FOUND A PROPANE TANK. THANKS TO CAUTION MIKE (I THINK), THE BEAUTIFUL AMERICAN FLAG FLEW FROM THE TOWER OF THE TALLEST STRUCTURE, BUILT IN A SUDDEN CONTEST RESULTING FROM AN AMOUNT OF CYNICAL SLANDER GOWANUS HAD MADE AGAINST THE BASIC CRAFTWORK SKILLS OF SOUTH BROOKLYN. THE WRECKAGE OF THIS EVENT IS WORTH GOING BACK TO LOOK AT. THERE IS NO URBAN LEAVE-NO-TRACE, APPARENTLY. THINK OF THEM AS GRAFFITI ARTISTS. THESE FOLKS PLAYED THE GAME SO WELL THEY OWNED IT. WE WERE JUST THERE. WE WERE SHANGHAI'D, AND THANK YOU
CLOSE SECOND / THE FIRST GUYS TO SHOW UP, HONESTLY, ON TIME, OFF AN EMAIL LIST REALLY FAR AWAY FROM OURS, WHO IMMEDIATELY STARTED RUMMAGING AROUND IN THE ROTTEN GRASS, QUICKLY BUILDING AN OLYMPIC TORCH, A WARM FIRE, A RAFT TO SEND OUT INTO THE WATER WITH A TORCH BUILT ON IT FROM A GIANT PLASTIC CHRISTMAS LAWN CANDLE... YOU GET THE IDEA. AMERICAN KNOW-HOW. THEY FOUND WOOD THAT ALREADY HAD NAILS IN IT AND BUILT THINGS. TOTAL FUCKING STRANGERS. SADLY, THE 30 FOOT BEACHWOOD SINGLE LOG TOWER, MEANT TO STAND STRAIGHT UP INTO THE AIR WEDGED BETWEEN TWO ROCKS AS A MONUMENT TO LAZINESS AND PHYSICS, WAS TOO MUCH TO HOPE FOR.
FOR THE MOST PART WILLIAMSBURG PUNKED OUT, THOUGH THEY DID ATTEMPT TO "APPROPRIATE" A TREE FOR THE TALLEST-STRUCTURE GRUDGEMATCH, WHICH WAS PRETTY WILLIAMSBURG OF THEM. GOWANUS' STRUCTURE WAS MORE SOUND THAN ANYONES, THOUGH STRANGELY ART DECO. THEY WERE NOT ALLOWED TO CHEAT, WHEREAS SOUTH BROOKLYN AND WILLIAMSBURG'S TWO TEAMS (ALWAYS FACTIONS, WITH THEM) ALL WERE, PROMPTLY STEALING ALL OF GOWANUS' WOOD. THE STOP SIGN AND FLAGPOLE COMPENSATED TO SOME EXTENT, BUT THERE WAS SOME BITTERNESS. SOUTH BROOKLYN WON, THEN SET THEIR SHIT ON FIRE. IT IS WORTH POINTING OUT THAT THERE WERE TEN PEOPLE BUILDING FOR S.BKLYN, MAYBE 3 ON THE OTHERS. MADAGASCAR MEANWHILE USED UP A BUNCH OF FOSSIL FUEL.
MIRACULOUSLY NOTHING ELSE BURNED DOWN AND NO ONE WAS BADLY HURT.
COPS NEVER CAME.
THE LAST PEOPLE THERE PUT THE FIRE OUT.
THE STANDARD HAS BEEN SET. DO NOT EXPECT ANYONE TO REPEAT. WE NEED THE REST OF YOU TO STEP UP.
YOU'VE DONE THIS FOR A LIVING, COME ON. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HAVE SOME FUN FOR AMERICA. GET YOUR CREW UP."
---------------------------------------------------
OPENING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 10 2006
CLOSING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 26 2006
--------------------------------
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME?
BULLSHIT!
AND IN BETWEEN?
WHO'S TO SAY?
A LOT CAN HAPPEN, BUT IT ONLY HAPPENS IF PEOPLE SHOW UP AND PLAY.
PERIOD. OTHERWISE IT MERELY DOESN'T.
--------------------------------
FEBRUARY 9, 2002 / EVENT: KNIFETHROWING EHHIBITION
KNIVES AND AXES AND HATCHETS ACTUALLY. BLACK LEATHER HOT PANTS, FISH NET STOCKINGS AND HEELS, A RED CORSET WITH BLACK LACES UP THE BACK. BOBBED RED HAIR. MISS AMERICA. THROWDINI WORE A HANDSOME BLACK TUXEDO. IT WAS HOT IN THAT ROOM. THE WOOD WAS OLD AND KNOTTY, SO THE KNIVES WOULDN'T TAKE AS WELL, AND SO EVERYTHING WAS ACTUALLY MORE DANGEROUS. KNIVES INTO WOOD MAKES A GOOD SHARP THUDDING SOUND THAT I REMEMBER FROM CHILDHOOD. IT HOLDS A TONE AFTERWARDS, LIKE A HUGE LOW TUNING FORK, OR A TIBETAN GONG. HE ASKED FOR A MALE WITH TESTOSTERONE POISONING TO VOLUNTEER, AND SOMEONE JUMPED UP. I THINK SHE WAS THANKFUL AFTERWARDS, BUT ALSO SHE WAS CRYING. THEY'D BLINDFOLDED HER, STOOD HER UP, AND JUST PLAIN THROWN KNIVES AT HER. ACTUALLY THEY'D PRETENDED TOO. THEY POPPED THE BALLOONS SHE WAS HOLDING AND PUT A KNIFE INTO THE WOOD AT THE SAME TIME. THEN HE REALLY THREW THE SECOND ONE AND THE ROOM LOST IT. HE VISIBLY FREAKED OUT HIS ASSISTANT. SHE JUST KEPT LAUGHING AND LAUGHING. GOD, SHE HAD A BALL. RED WHITE AND BLUE KNIFE-POPPED BALLOONS. THESE WOMEN WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO THEM, A MAN THROWING KNIVES AT THEIR HEADS. THE MAN WHO DOES THIS CLEARLY USED TO BE A SPY, OR SOME WORLD LEADER.
BAD FUTURE EVENT / BLINFOLDED AXE-THROWING AT FRIENDS
"GOD FORBID" / RESPONSIBLE PARTY = WAMP"
.
FEB 17 2002 / OLYMPIC BREAKING INTO ABANDONED BUILDING
WE ARE STILL SUCCESSFULLY A COP-FREE OLYMPICS. THIS WAS FUN. I FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT PIGEONS; WHILE THERE IS EVIDENCE OF HABITATION (SHIT, BATHROOM STALLS) OF SEVERAL DIFFERENT SPECIES, PIGEONS LIVE THERE NOW. IT'S A BIT SPOOKY; THERE IS STILL FURNITURE AND OLD VATS, AND PLACES ON TWO FLOORS WHERE THERE WERE FIRES. BIRDS ON TWO DIFFERENT FLOORS. THEY FLY INTO THE WINDOWS OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL THEY FIND A BROKEN ONE TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. NO ONES BEEN HERE FOR YEARS. OUR LOOKOUT SANG COUNTRY SONGS TO US OVER THE WALKIE TALKIES WHILE WE MADE IT TO THE ROOF. THE SAFE WAS OPEN AND EMPTY.
---------------------------------
CURRENT EVENTS (ALL EVENTS AND LOCATIONS TOTALLY FLAKY AND UNRELIABLE)
---------------------------------
BUT ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS:
---------------------------------
CONTESTANTS, DATES, LOCATIONS, VIDEOGRAPHERS ETC NEEDED:
WE DO NOT DO IT FOR YOU!
FIRE GOLF
PYROTECHNICS (FOR ALTITUDE)
DRUG ADDLED CHESS
WINTER LEISURE TENNIS
NERF WAR
RUNNING-AWAY-FROM-THE-COPS URBAN TRIATHALON: FENCEJUMPING, TREECLIMBING, HIDING IN DUMPSTERS
PISSING CONTEST (FOR DURATION)
OLYMPIC BOY BAND
OLYMPIC DIVINE INTERVENTION
OLYMPIC SNOW WARFARE (WEATHER PERMITTING)
OLYMPIC SANTERIA--INTERPRETATIONAL WITCHCRAFT--FLOOR ROUTINE
OLYMPIC EROTIC DANCING
OLYMPIC DUMPSTER DIVING (BEST FOUND OBJECT)
AND SO MUCH MORE...
MEANWHILE PLEASE LET US KNOW OF EVERY AMATEUR LEISURE OR SPORTING EVENT IN THE OLYMPIC TIMEFRAME,
FOR THAT IS ALL IT TAKES. IF IT IS WITHIN THE OLYMPIC TIMEFRAME, IT IS CLEARLY OLYMPIC.
ADDITIONALLY, IF YOU WISH TO PARTICIPATE, OR BETTER, ADMINISTRATE AN EVENT, PLEASE LET THIS BODY KNOW. EVENTS DO NOT HAPPEN UNLESS PEOPLE DO THEM. WE KNOW THIS FOR A FACT.
-----------------------------------------------
DON'T GET HURT, GET EVEN
-----------------------------------------------
WISH LIST
ROBOTS
FIRE
CATAPULTS
SPEARFISHING
ETC.
TO PARTICIPATE IN AN EVENT, OR ORGANIZE ONE, OR PROVIDE A VENUE, VIDEO FOR OUR INEVITABLE WEBSITE/SPORTS NETWORK ETC, ETC, CONTACT:
brooklyn.fake.winter.olympix@gmail.com
CONCOCTED BY THE McCARREN POOL TASK FORCE
-------------------------------------------------------------
2002 CLOSING CEREMONY FLASHBACK
"ANALYSIS: OR, HOW TO HOLD YOUR OWN OLYMPIC EVENT
POTHEADS ARE LAZY. IN MORE THAN ONE CASE THE PEOPLE WHO SUGGESTED EVENTS SLEPT THROUGH THEM. WE ASSURE YOU, THE GOOD IDEAS WILL BE ADAPTED TO FUTURE CIRCUMSTANCES AND RESURRECTED AS APPROPRIATE. NO SPECIFIC JOKE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CONSEQUENCES OF MAKING IT. BUT THIS LAZINESS MUST BE FACTORED IN.
FEB 24 2002 / OLYMPIC DUMPSTER DIVE SCAVENGER HUNT / BEST FOUND OBJECT
IN A FIELD OF THREE, SENTIMENTALITY WINS. ENTIRIES INCLUDED A CAMEL-COLORED TARTAN BURBERRY CASHMERE SCARF, AN OLD WHITE ENAMEL TELEPHONE (DIAL-UP), AND THE WINNER, THE LID OF A CHOCOLATE BOX, VELVET RED AND THE SHAPE OF A HEART, WITH "TO MY VALENTINE" EMBOSSED ON IT IN SHINY RED SCRIPT. RED ON RED ON RED. A LARGE PLASTIC ROSE WAS PERFECTLY ATTACHED. IT SEEMED TO BE FROM THE FIFTIES, OR POLAND. PERMANENTLY DIRTY, BUT OTHERWISE IN FACTORY CONDITION. (IT WAS NOT KNOWN IF THE PHONE WORKED.)
WINNER / HORSIE
1ST PLACE TROPHY / CUT PUSSYWILLOWS FOUND BY A CHURCH
-----
TO ALL OF YOU WHO ASSISTED US IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS IN THIS AMBITIOUS, IMPORTANTLY LUDICROUS STUDY, WE THANK OF YOU. SCIENCE THANKS YOU. AND BROOKLYN THANKS YOU.
IT IS IN THE NAME OF BROOKLYN-AMERICAN AMATEUR SCIENCE THAT WE WILL NOW PROCESS WHAT WE HAVE SEEN AND HEARD, AND SOMEDAY PUBLISH OUR FINDINGS. THERE WERE MANY INTERESTING UNEXPECTED ACHIEVEMENTS WITNESSED IN THESE WEEKS, OFTEN FROM QUIET CORNERS. SOMETIMES EXPERIENCE WOULD HOBBLE ENTHUSIASM. SOMETIMES UNPREPARED PEOPLE WOULD WIN. WHAT THIS SUGGESTS ABOUT OUR CAPACITY, OUR AMBITIONS, OR OUR COMPETITIVENESS WE CHOOSE NOT TO DETERMINE.
IT IS TOO EARLY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT EFFECT, IF ANY, HOLDING THESE GAMES HAS HAD UPON BROOKLYN. BUT IF BROOKLYN SECEDES, AS PLANNED, FROM THE CITY OF NEW YORK IN 2006, SPORTING EVENTS AND OTHER LOCAL CULTURAL RITUALS MAY END UP ON TELEVISION.
GET FAMOUS BY THEN.
WE NEED TO GET A GRANT."
---------------------------------------------------
OPENING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 10 2006
CLOSING CEREMONIES
FEBRUARY 26 2006
--------------------------------
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME?!
THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH TIME!
GO! GO! GO!
-------------------
THE BROOKLYN WINTER FAKE OLYMPIX REJECTS ANY PURPORTED AFFILIATION
BETWEEN ITSELF AND THE 2006 "OLYMPICS" IN TURIN, ITALY,
THE CORRUPT INTERNATIONAL OLYMPIC COMMITTEE, OR ITS DIRTY HENS
-------------------
please forward this communication as appropriate
http://brooklyndodgers.blogspot.com/
2002 - "THERE WAS A SPONTANEOUS ATTEMPT TO SMASH A TELEVISION WITH A BEER BOTTLE, BUT AS EVERYBODY KNOWS, ALCOHOL IS WEAKER THAN TELEVISION, AND THE BOTTLE PREDICTABLY BROKE. THE ATHLETE SAID AFTERWARDS, IN AN INTERVIEW, THAT HE FELT HE'D HIT THE WRONG PART OF THE SCREEN. THE CENTER ACTUALLY IS THE STRONGEST POINT."
